dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
