I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
