Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
