I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
