I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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