Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
