I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
