he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
