I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
