she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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