She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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