If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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