if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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