No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
