totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
