Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
