if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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