The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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