I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
