Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
