My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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