Duck Duck Cougar?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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