if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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