cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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