You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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