I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
