She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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