Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
