All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Randomize
