I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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