im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
