Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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