I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
