hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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