Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
