we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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