There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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