yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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