I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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