the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
