If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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