The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
