Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
