He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
