Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
