I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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