the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
