I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
