Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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