can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
