what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
