chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
