we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
