im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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