Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
