I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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